24 | Chicago

got a little hi and randomly searched “filipino diaspora” on youtube and ACTUALLY FOUND THIS OLD ASS DOCUMENTARY ON IT WITH ACTUAL FILIPINOS TELLING OUT STORY INSTEAD OF FUCK ASS YT PPL

so i’m a little emotional and crying a liddle because they straight up say that we were trying to escape the brutality of the spaniards and how the US said they would help us but did us dirty and basically just took over AND I FEEL SO VALIDATED bc everywhere else i read about history of the philippines they don’t say it straight like that

i’m debating on if i should still go for a late night run or keep watching this

what is a job i can have if i still love people for some odd fucking reason and want to help them have basic rights and find happiness but i also don’t want to interact with any of you bc people are also fucking terrible to be around on a regular basis

Idk I think Filipinx people hate me and I should just give up and isolate myself forever lol every time I try to reach out to people they’re such dicks when I literally start and end my messages saying I’m not commenting to argue I was just curious, no malice, etc

this is also why I gave up on trying to find other mods for my other blog and only do that shit on my own no matter how far i fall off

i know part of the reason is bc the diaspora, white supremacy, colonialism, etc

i’ll never deny how much i love being filipinx but tbh i think i h8 most of u

i just feel like i can’t interact with literally anyone on the internet without them thinking that they need to turn it into a fight or think i’m trying to fight them and idk people in general online are so fucking fragile and leech-y off one another

idk if i’m just born in the wrong time in general or what maybe i should just accept that i’m meant to ride alone

It’s always been hard for me to get out of bed. It’s even worse when my cat feels extra clingy.

I just want to sleep the day away with her.

Also

I’m sad and drained
I forgot what it is like to be exposed to toxic people for extended periods of time

I just wanted to spend time with my friends

I’m so tired

I wish people did not have this power over me

“I love hip hop. There are like 23 types of hip hop. And like I love like 13 of them. That’s a lot.”

“I love Asian rappers. You know, cos youre Asian. And a rapper. But tbh my favorite rappers are Black and Puerto Rican.”

*raps how he’s not like every white guy who says n*gga by using n*gga in his line and rhyming each bar with it to emphasize he actually is a White guy who said n*gga*

- White rapper to my biracial partner and me at the function

My partner and I are going good thru some shit to show love to my White best friend for his birthday in bumblefuck Northern Wisconsin 😂😧

I literally kept telling peopleall day at this party for my friend that what I brought to make won’t feed everyone (I wasn’t even told more people were coming) and asking when they were gonna shop for and make their food to contribute to this party “feast” and they’re all sitting.on their asses while I am in the kitchen with my.partner for HOURS and one literally said “is the food done yet?” to basically confirm that they werent truly.planning.on contributing lol lol lol lol what’s going on I am so lucky I am intoxicated or I would lose my shit I intentionally intoxicated to deal with this before I started cooking 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

And tbh they are all White and I s2g I have never had this issue at a gathering with PoC and I’ve been to quite a few parties and potluck type shindigs. Everyone always contributes and asks to help and I can’t help but notice this contrast that apparently doesn’t mean anything and oMG 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃